How to be [un]Noticed

Leave a trail of cryptic words on your social media addressed indirectly to him/her. Before you do that, don’t forget to check whether s/he is online or not. Then, you hope s/he reads the trail and responds to it. Otherwise, you wait… wait… wait… until you are noticed by him/her.

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You’ve Done a Great Job

How long have you lived on this Earth? How long have you lived by yourself? How long have you paid your own bills? How long have you survive from sadness, loneliness, and illness? How many hours do you sleep every night? How many hours do you work every day? How many times do you cry? How many times do you feel angry? How many times do you get sick? How many times do you get promotion? How many times do you quit your job? How many times do you fail? How many times do you change your surrounding? How many times do you meet someone new? How do you cope with new surrounding? How do you cope with your new friends? How do you maintain your relationship with other people? How do you feel when your friends no longer see you as a friend? How do you feel when your family look you as a stranger? How long have you moved from your parents’ house? How many times do you meet your parents? How many times do people tell you that you could do better than that? How many times do people tell you that you deserve better? How many times do people tell you to pay attention to your look? How many times do people tell you to have an exercise? How many times do people tell you that you should find a partner? How many times do people tell you that you should get married? How many times do people tell you that you should buy a house? How many times do people tell you that you should have a child? How many times do people tell you that you should have a car? How many times do people tell you to save your money? Lastly, have anyone told you that you’ve done a great job for everything that you do in your life? I am here to tell you that YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB. Through thick and thin, you still survive. You’ve done a great job to stand still although fire, storm, flood, and earthquake always try to make you flat with the ground. Congratulations, you’ve done a great job my friend.

 

Jealousy

It stings your inner chest a little. Probably because your heart suddenly contracts or stops for a little while. Either way, you can feel and hear the beat of your heart at that exact moment.

Your stomach churns as if you have swallowed up a gallon of milk. You can feel the liquid is slowly going up into your throat, climbing until you can taste the sour acid mixed with milk flavor on your uvula, tongue, and the palate of your mouth.

The vasomotor center persuades your blood pressure and heart rate to increase two times, sending a tingle to your body. Meanwhile, the medulla and pons generate signal to breathe in as much oxygen as your lungs needed into your respiratory centers.

That “zing” sound which travels from the tympanic membrane into the ossicles comes out of nowhere. You don’t know where that sound comes from but you can hear it clearly inside your head.

It’s funny. While those organs of your body go into overdrive, your eyes, nevertheless, seem to stop working. They don’t blink for a minute or two. Your iris stays on one position only when you don’t blink. Of course, it will get watery soon so your eyelids start flickering. Then, you bat your eyes crazily to prevent the water break down.

However, you unconsciously stretch your mouth forming a rigid curved line. You grit your teeth against those feelings inside your body so that the acid milk flavor liquid you can taste in your mouth will not be going out. You swallow it up instead and make your stomach churn wildly than before until you can hear it groan inside.

A Thousand Plateaus

First thing first, I’d like to apologize because I haven’t posted my oh-so-long-promised writing here. I don’t know when I will publish it but I can guarantee you that I’m writing it. Now, I’d like to say a few things here regarding the hot topic happened on August 21st, 2017 until today. Yes, it’s about Chester Bennington’s death. As you may have already read from many articles, Chester was found dead in his house, hanging himself when his family was out. All news said that he hanged himself due to his depression of alcohol and drugs addiction as well as the abuse he experienced by older men when he was a child which, then, affected his mental. It’s a sad news for all Linkin Park fans and those who know him. Yet, it also makes some people angry. Not because he cowardly chose to die but he chose to give up. However, a suicide is not an unusual case today (or any other day). Many people from various occupation and age choose to end their lives. What makes Chester’s death news popular is the depression he has. If we talk about depression, we will also remember Robin Williams who, on August 11th, 2014, decided to hang himself too after combating Dementia his whole life. Dementia is quite different from depression but depression can be found in people who have Dementia. Therefore, both cases revolve around depression, more specifically, mental health. People (yes all people who live on Earth) have a big chance to get depression but some of them can conquer them and some of them choose to be conquered. Unfortunately, people who don’t understand about depression think that depressed persons are overreacting and overemotional. They also think that they are weak because they easily give up on a small matter and not religious enough to believe that God will help them. Some of my friends also have the same thought when they share about what they feel about Chester’s death. It’s a shame that they easily talk like that when they cannot see other perspectives, especially when they can’t fit themselves in his shoes. For a religious man who believes that God is his savior, they can pray to their God and feel their problems lifted because they have faith. For people who trust themselves, they are strong enough to overcome any problem because they have faith that the problem will go away in a matter of time. Faith is what they have to stand and live their lives.

Nevertheless, it’s a different story to people who don’t have any form of faith. People who have already felt kicked out and stomped on ever since they were children are easy to be shaken. People who are constantly left out and humiliated also have a little faith in them even though they are no longer seen as losers when they are older. Moreover, not all people believe of the God’s existence. Thus, who should they trust? Their friends? Family? What if they still feel empty and heavily burdened though they have talked to friends and family? What should they do when they no longer trust themselves and the world? That’s what happened to Chester Bennington and Robin Williams. Chester had rant through his songs. Robin had cheered himself by entertaining other people. Yet, why they still chose to end their lives?

This writing will solely discuss about Chester Bennington’s death because it’s still new and the case can be related to many people. To be honest, it’s hard for me to write about this because it’s an emotional topic. I may not have a severe depression but I know what it feels like to be depressed. I never check myself to a psychiatry but I know that I have an anxiety problem due to my low self-esteem which causes my depression sometimes. However, I will talk about this as my method to cope with my problems and make people understand other perspectives.

Depression may come from different causes, either from a small problem like getting a low grade until a bigger one like Chester’s. We still don’t have a cure for depression for it revolves around our mind or brain to be precise. Chester once had said that he “can either just give up and fucking die or I can fucking fight for what I want” and every morning was a struggle for him. He had tried to fight his demons by a therapy and recording the band’s newest album which had proved quite “therapeutic”, containing “hopefulness”, and “moving forward” (source: independent.co.uk). Moreover, his songs make people learn about sense of belonging, hybrid, demons, and life. Learn that life is indeed hard and we need to fight it and be strong. We become stronger while he still lost and gave up. That, my friends, is a proof that depression is not as easy to fight as it seems to be. He had fame, family, friends, money, therapy, and music as his medicine but he still felt that demon. His brain still felt lonely and hurt. Brain is the most powerful thing inside our body so if your brain has already felt wrong and hurt, your body can do nothing about that. So does the most skillful doctor.

How do we lessen the depression? Listen to their problem. Understand it. Talk to them. Help them. Love them. Be their friend. Those still can’t guarantee curing depression but, at least, the depression will not worsen that fast. Furthermore, we need to help them to build their confidence in themselves so that they won’t see themselves as losers. It’s important to not ever see their problems as a piece of cake or regard them as a weakling or emotional. You’ll never know how they feel about certain things so please be a human and respect them. If they choose to write it down instead of talking, respect it. Everyone has their own coping mechanism. Do not ever force them to believe what you believe. Make your eyes wide open so that you can see things in different perspectives. Nonetheless, if they still choose to end their lives after what you’ve done for them, please try to not blame and judge them. Let’s just hope that it will not happen again and try harder to love them because death is not always the answer.

If you have any thoughts about this topic, please share it below. I’ll be glad to have friends in discussing this and let other people know that depression is a serious matter. Thank you

A Long Road

One fine day, a white Rabbit met a brown Horse in a clearing of a jungle. The Rabbit who saw him first greeted the Horse.

Rabbit, “Hey Horse! What are you doing in this part of clearing? It’s far away from your home, isn’t it?”

Horse, “Hi Rabbit. I was from Mr. Piggy’s house to deliver two stacks of hay.”

Rabbit, “Oh… But, you can take a shortcut from your house to Mr. Piggy’s so why did you take this road?”

Horse, “I did actually take the shortcut when I went to his house in the morning. However, I always go down the hill to this clearing every time I have an order from that village. It has become my routine.”

Rabbit, “Oh, I see… But, aren’t you tired walking for eight miles from the village to your house? If I were you, I would be exhausted by the time I reached four miles of walking.”

Horse, “At first, I felt completely exhausted too. However, I become used to the long walk. I especially like to take this road on my way home because I can enjoy the trees, flowers, and this clearing. The view can make my body instantly fresh. That’s why I rather choose this road, walk slowly, and sometimes stop at the clearing to enjoy the view and fresh air.”

Rabbit, “You’re right. This part of the woods is beautiful but I still will take the shortcut everytime I go somewhere.”