I have not written on my wordpress for about six months and honestly I am kind of desperate about it. When I first thought about making an account, I had promised to myself that I would always write on it. However, reality is divergent. I had tried to spend my times to write anything which popped out in my brain, yet I hesitated to publish it. In addition, th new design of wordpress is making me confused. After a couple months had passed and my study was busier than ever, I completely forgot about my blog. I mean it when I say “completely forgot”.


I am wondering myself about why I should choose that title for my first (after 6 months of hiatus) writing. It is more like a diary and an apology letter. Nonetheless, I will try to make it “more” closer in meaning.

After you read this, try to look at yourself in the mirror and say “what did I think of and why I could not say it?”

Many people tend to hide their opinions about anything rather than speak it out loud. The reasons are many. One of them is they afraid to take the risk. They are afraid (or lazy) to have some arguments with others. Even though your opinion can be the “logic” one, you prefer to give the trophy to somebody else.

Is that hard to deal with your own nightmare (or laziness)?

To some people, the answer is yes. Truth to be told, my answer was yes.

However, I realized that human will not create these amazing inventions without arguments against them. Not only from outsider, but also from them selves. For me, the hard one is to deal with yourself. We will never move to the next step of creating something if you cannot speak what you are thinking of. If you think you can do it on your own, you are completely wrong. Try to find “human” in wikipedia and you will find that human is a social creature (or something like that). Then, why you still cannot throw your shell?


That word is a powerful noun. Your family told you what you should and not to do since you were a baby and that makes what you are right now. No, I did not have any persuasive message to hate your family. I always love my family, yet I will not plant all their ideas in my brain without any filter. Like, “you are a girl so you suppose to stay at home and cook.” I mean stay at home and cook because I am a girl? Come on it is a modern era! That “idea” is a history since women started to use their voice long ago in America. Feminism even spreads nowadays. So, those doctrine is gone with the wind.

Finally, try to reconcile with yourself to face your nightmare. Nightmare is an illusion which happens because you create it by yourself. Once you face your worst nightmare, you will find yourself stupid for being such a chicken all this time.